Misery Business
by hidden armadillo
Summary: Ginny pouted pitifully at her.  "Hmm..." Hermione mused, suddenly looking inspired and just a little evil, "Then we've got some man-stealing to do!"


**A/N: I wrote this as a challenge for ix3youlots, it is inspired by the Paramore song, 'Misery Business'. Enjoy! xx**

_Ginny Weasley wrote absentmindedly in her potions notebook as she drifted away into a daydream about a mysterious and sexy boy taking her for a dangerous broom ride through the Forbidden Forest. He hexed growling beasts out of their path and whispered in her ear, his low and deep voice sending the most delicious tingles racing through her as they soared up into the night sky, and his hands – _

"_Oooh, look what we have here!" Pansy Parkinson's cackle rudely brought Ginny back to the present as she snatched Ginny's book away._

"_Give that back, Parkinson!" Ginny yelled furiously, glaring at the thief._

"_Now Weasley, these certainly aren't potions notes..." Pansy simpered, "Shall I read a bit aloud?"_

_Pansy's Slytherin companions nodded eagerly, but Ginny pulled out her wand._

"_Don't you dare..." she threatened darkly._

_Two bulky Slytherin boys stepped in front of Pansy as she began to read in a sickly sweet imitation of Ginny._

"_Draco swept me up on his broom with his strong, muscled arms...his hands tightened on my waist...he whispered in my ear softly and kissed my neck...ahaha!" she dissolved into uncontrollable laughter._

"_Sounds like someone has an ickle crush on the Slytherin bad boy!" _

"_I do not, Parkinson!" Ginny hissed._

"_Don't bother denying it sweetie, your 'notes' here make it pretty obvious...but you should know you're wasting your time, because Draco is mine."_

_Ginny laughed at this._

"_In your dreams, probably, but not in real life."_

"_He isn't? My mistake...I'll be right back," Pansy smirked, turning on her heel and strutting out of the library._

_Ginny tried to return to her study, but was distracted as, exactly fourteen minutes later, Pansy stalked back into the library with a self-satisfied sneer across her face, and none other than Draco Malfoy on her arm. _

_Ginny's blood boiled as Pansy pulled Draco's face towards her for a kiss._

"_You asked for it," Ginny muttered, "This. Is. War."_

"GINNY! Are you listening?" Hermione Granger's voice tore into Ginny's reminiscing.

"Yes, I uh...what was the question?"

Hermione sighed.

"Please tell me you're daydreaming about aardvarks and rhubarb ice cream instead of moping about Pansy and Draco again..."

"Rhubarb ice cream? That's disgusting! I prefer burnt fig and caramel."

"Don't try to change the subject Ginny Weasley, I am not that easily fooled!" Hermione announced.

"Are you sure? Because I think I see some people rollerblading with scissors on a table who are just begging to be told off..." Ginny suggested with attempted innocence.

"Ginevra! Were you or were you not sulking about Pansy and Draco again?"

"I was..." Ginny admitted guiltily.

"It's been months!" Hermione cried, exasperated.

"I know...but the only reason she's dating him is because I want him, and she thinks she can take whatever she likes and we all know she's cheating on him anyway, and he's so adorable when he insults me, and – "

"Okay, okay, I understand!" Hermione interrupted.

Ginny pouted pitifully at her.

"Hmm..." Hermione mused, suddenly looking inspired and just a little evil, "Then we've got some man-stealing to do!"

Several hours later, Ginny, Hermione and Luna (who had been roped into helping due to her skills with sewing, and because Ginny decided that if a Ravenclaw _and_ 'the brightest witch of her age' couldn't figure out how to help her, no one could.) had locked themselves in Ginny's dormitory to plot.

"Okay, the first thing we need," Hermione stated, conjuring up a chalkboard to write on, "is a sexy outfit. Ginny, do you have anything that will work?"

Ginny rummaged through her clothing for several minutes while Hermione and Luna listed requirements.

"It has to be tight!"

"And probably short."

"A bright, attention-grabbing colour!"

Eventually Ginny re-emerged from the pile of clothes, holding up a lime green spandex body suit.

"It's the closest thing I have! I stole it from the dress-ups box in the attic when I was little because I love the colour!"

Hermione and Luna inspected it with grave faces.

"Well it is definitely tight and brightly coloured..."

"Just a few alterations here and there..." Luna muttered as she worked, "There! Try it on."

Ginny admired her new look in the mirror.

"How do I look?"

"Lovely!" Luna assured her, "But I think we need a male's opinion."

"Good idea!" Hermione agreed, "I'll go find Harry!"

Ginny and Luna found some bright red stiletto heels to complete the outfit, and discussed the imminent Nargle infiltration of the Ministry of Magic while they waited.

"We just need your opinion on Ginny's outfit, okay?" Ginny heard Hermione saying, so she pulled her best model pose as the door opened and Harry walked in.

He immediately choked on the gillywater he was drinking.

"Ginny...no offense or anything, but...you kind of look like an insane Christmas elf superhero," he managed to say after his coughing and spluttering finally subsided.

With that, Harry quickly escaped back to the common room before anyone could start crying.

Ginny collapsed on her bed miserably, and Luna patted her elbow consolingly while singing a Swedish lullaby.

"...Där satt en liten fågel i päronaträ..."

"Well that obviously failed," Hermione pointed out the obvious huffily, "What do we do now?"

"Oooh, I know!" Hermione excitedly answered herself, "I have a stash of Muggle magazines under my bed, and there's an article on how to attract boys!"

Ginny's jaw dropped.

"_You _have Muggle magazines? I thought you only read educational books!"

"I do...Crookshanks' new girlfriend Betty dragged them under my bed so her kittens can sleep on them!" Hermione blushed.

"Right..." Luna pretended to be convinced as Hermione busied herself finding the aforementioned article, and copied the main points onto the chalkboard.

_Mission Steal Draco Away From Evil Pansy_

_Wear an alluring dress in either red or black. (see article for examples)_

_Make him jealous._

_Dance seductively in front of him._

_Be hard to get and flirtatious._

"I'll make the dress," Luna volunteered, and went to steal some black capes from the first years to use as material.

"That takes care of Step 1," Hermione smiled, "Now how will you make him jealous?"

"Oh, I'll just make out with one of his friends, I suppose," Ginny shrugged.

"Perfect. Okay, next step: dancing. Can you dance?"

"Of course!"

Ginny launched into a vigorous contemporary version of the chicken dance.

"Uh...Ginny?" Hermione poked Ginny's wiggling 'wings' to get her attention.

"Impressed? I won first prize in a contest with that dance when I was five!" Ginny informed her proudly.

"Well that's great and all, but... I was thinking of something that looked a little less like a farm girl at a barnyard hoedown..."

"Oh."

Ginny sat back down.

"I'll show you."

Hermione began a burlesque routine that involved a lot of surprisingly suggestive undulating hip movements.

"Hermione!" Ginny gasped in shock, "Where in Merlin's name did you learn that?"

"In France last summer!" Hermione answered brightly, and proceeded to teach Ginny the movements.

Hours later Luna returned with the latest dress, and the girls moved on to Step 4.

"So how do I be hard to get and flirtatious at the same time?" Ginny questioned, bemused.

"I'd say just ignore Draco. But wink and say a few suggestive things." Luna explained.

"Isn't that a little contradictory?"

"Not at all," Luna insisted dismissively.

"Now, Ginny..." Hermione whispered conspiratorially, "I believe you are ready. Go forth and steal Draco from that _witch_!"

"Hermione...we're _all_ witches."

Upon arriving at the dungeons, Ginny imperiously demanded two little first years to let her into the Slytherin common room.

One of them fainted at the sight of her in the tiny black dress and killer stilettos, but the other obeyed.

She strutted confidently into the dimly lit green room, and somehow managed not to fall over.

So far, so good.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" Draco challenged immediately, with his trademark smirk.

Ginny ignored him, and gave Blaise Zabini the most seductive look she could manage.

He glanced confusedly at Draco who shrugged, mystified.

"Oi, Weasley? What. Are. You – What the hell!" Draco yelped as Ginny pulled Blaise into a deep kiss.

The entire common room stared as she continued to make out with him for several long moments.

When Ginny stepped back, Blaise appeared to be stunned to the point of losing his ability to form coherent sentences.

"But...Weasley...me?...traitor. Kiss! Why?" he stammered.

Ginny smiled and blew the poor boy a kiss.

"Oh, Draco! There's something I wanted to show you! Alone..." she told him, winking.

Draco, too puzzled to bother insulting her as he usually did, demanded that everyone leave.

"Clear out, the lot of you!" he yelled threateningly.

As soon as they were alone, Ginny charmed a sofa to play burlesque music.

"I wanted to ask your opinion on a dance I learned today..." she explained softly, running a finger over his chest.

"You want to... **dance** for me?" he spluttered, utterly perplexed.

"Shhh..." she placed a finger on his lips, "Just watch..."

So Ginny began the dance Hermione had taught her, peering at Draco from beneath her eyelashes as his eyes slowly grew wider and wider.

"So..." she whispered in his ear after finishing the routine, "What did you think?"

Instead of answering, Draco roughly pushed her up against the wall and began kissing her urgently.

Ginny moaned in pleasure, enjoying the sweet taste of victory and losing herself in the moment she had wanted for so long.

At last, Draco was hers.

"You little whore! How dare you do that, blood traitor! I hate you!" Pansy yelled, storming up to Ginny at dinner and slapping her loudly across the face.

Ginny simply smiled.

"But why? All I did was make all of his dreams come true... it isn't my fault that not one of them involved you."


End file.
